so many questionss…

Tonight I went to community group. I really enjoyed it. I like to listen to everyone else’s ideas and thoughts when we talk about the scripture we read. It is interesting to me how a group of people can throw out so many different interpretations. I never really speak up when we have discussion because I feel that I could be wrong because, well, most the time I am wrong, haha. If you know me, I am a VERY outspoken person…usually only when I am confident about what I am talking about and when I interpret the Bible, I never know if I am fully understanding the Word, therefore, making me nervous that if I threw out my idea it would be WAY OFF! I grew up in church, every Sunday, every Wednesday, was in GA’s (Girls Association), and always knew about God and what was right and wrong. As i grew up, church became this social thing and the focus was totally not on God. I had a lot of friends and usually was the center of attention haha, go figure. Anyways, being in the youth group, I would always attend the events, go to camp and act as if I this holy girl and everything was cool. I got saved when I was 8…and then did not get baptized until I was 12. I know I am saved and believe in God, but I really have yet to seek God and really get into the Word. I hear people say like ohhh I felt God speak to me and he told me what direction to go in and I was always like dang why hasn’t God spoken to me? And now that I think about it, I haven’t really given God a chance to speak to me. Like I said, I know I am a Christian and have Jesus in my heart, but it’s like I have not experienced God as I hear others have. I just have so many questions…

As I got older and older, God kind of left my mind…and other things came in front of Him. In High School I met new people and had a bunch of friends, I played sports year round, and through all that, I was trying to get through school. I was never a bad kid though, I had a good group of friends and it wasn’t like we partied and drank and did drugs, we usually went to the beach, and most my friends played sports so we kept pretty busy with that. Then Parkway Baptist (where I went to church) , split up and I stopped talking to most of the “church friends” I had and stopped going to church period. Once again, it became less of a priority in my life. AND THEN…my parents got divorced…only a year ago. That was and still is a really hard part in my life…I got really, really upset and pretty much cared about nothing. I would just go to school, go to whatever sport practice I had and go home. I was soo mad at the world..and really God. I just could not understand why he would let this happen. To this day I am still not the same person I was when my parents were still together. Slowly but surely, word got around, as it always does and I felt like everyone was talking about me and my family behind my back. I got super angry and didn’t talk to many of my friends and would only talk to my boyfriend at the time and shut my self out from the world pretty much.

In church I learned that divorce is not okay. So how could I ever go back to church knowing that people knew my family’s situation and hope to feel accepted? My thoughts were, how can people judge from something they don’t even know??? People did not know me, how did they think it was okay to gossip when they did not even know any informatiom??

When C3 started up, my best friend, Lauren Vaught invited me to go with her and I liked it at first, I mean it was just church to me and felt really out of place. Now that I realize how different C3 is from any “traditional” church, I am glad i went with Lauren. I still have all these questions about God and the back round, I mean I know the stories in the Bible, but I have not really got into it. When I heard about community group, I wanted to get back into church and hang out with my peers, so I went and it was fun. I enjoyed the social aspect, and still do, but I am at the point where I want to get to know God more than just sit around and be the social butterfly that I am. I think that getting back into church and learning about God will help me see where my place in this world is.

I know this post is super random and really long but these are all my thoughts and i just wanted to share them with everyone. I want to say thank you to everyone in the community group who has made me feel welcome and where I can be myself…it is fun being around crazy people like myself!! haha! I hope to grow closer to each and everyone in the group…and hey! ya’ll can help me get on the right path of getting to know God better! I’m pretty stokedddddd!

Thanks again….and thanks for reading!!!!

Goodnight